Maryam's Daily Musings

I have moved

2007-04-30T16:24:00.001+08:00

Please visit my new blog at http://maryamsyahriman.wordpress.com

Nothing Specific to Talk About

2006-06-20T17:15:00.000+08:00

I took one day off from work yesterday and had a really good break (although I still have another 29 days leave until the end of the year). I wish I knew how I can finish up all these vacation days. Even getting one day off a week is difficult - what more for a whole month!

Alas.. when I got to work this morning, I was faced with a number of issues. It wasn't related to my current post, but my previous post. The auditors are coming in tomorrow, and a lot of documentation have not been prepared. We had a meeting about this earlier on the 7th of June but I guess they didn't realize the kind of work that is involved to ensure everything runs smoothly. But I can only watch. I better keep my mouth shut and stop making nasty remarks about why things don't get done!

I received quite a number of belated birthday wishes today. I feel so much older!

By the way, I have added Ahmed into my list of favourite blogs. Check his webpage out!

Happy Birthday to Me

2006-06-18T15:50:00.000+08:00

I turned 32 today. Scary. And I decided to change the look of my blog to make it look pinkish (makes me feel younger.. hehe). This morning, my twins wished me... "Hepi Berday mama" (after their dad taught them) so that really made my day. As I am writing my blog now (it is 3.52 pm) the younger twin had just walked out of the room. :).

So, happy birthday to me. May the coming days make me a better person - an obedient servant of Allah, a loving daughter to my parents, a loving wife to my husband, a caring mother to my twins, and a trustworthy employee of my organization!!

A Two-Month Break

2006-06-10T14:13:00.000+08:00

Hmm.. Exactly two month since my last posting. I wanted to write, in fact there were so many things I wanted to talk about.. but I just couldn't. My life was in a turmoil for the past two months. The excitement of the new job and a new boss, the sadness of leaving the previous job, the death of a dear friend.. sometimes I felt as if there was too much to handle..

But Allah is great.. I am still standing strong. I am getting used to my new job and, I still spend some time to help my previous department.

My husband has been extremely supportive.. and my darling daughters have been understanding, especially when mama has to work late nights!

A New Challenge

2006-04-10T08:12:00.000+08:00

The past few days have been mentally and physically challenging for me. My colleague and I were on our to KL for an exhibition at Midvalley on Thursday afternoon when I received a call from a good friend of mine who happened to be in a meeting to discuss on staff transfer. "You are coming to my department by 1st June!" I said, "What? No, please, not your department. As what?" "Err.. legal" he sounded hesitant. I kept quiet. I simply said ok and disconnected. I cried, I cried so badly that I was unable to speak for sometime.

That was Thursday. I was so upset that my newly appointed boss called me saying that he felt uncomfortable with the change since he is still new and I have been the backbone of my department for the past 6 years.

I reflected over the weekend. I called my soon-to-be new boss and asked him what he expected of me, and what plans he has for me. We discussed for some time, and I am quite happy with the outcome.

So, I am going to move forward and take up a new challenge.

There is nothing wrong in change if it is in the right direction. To improve is to change so to be perfect is to have changed often. (read this somewhere...)

2 more days to go

2006-03-30T07:57:00.000+08:00

There are only 2 more days left before this major change takes place at work. It would definitely affect me badly, and I am not sure how much my work will be affected. But yesterday was the last meeting chaired by my boss, and he was very excited about leaving! Maybe he has had too much of office politics in the last 7 years! Anyway, last Tuesday, we had a presentation and I would remember what my boss said to me for the rest of my life... "Thank you so much for making my last job easy to complete!" I had tears in my eyes. I went to get something for him yesterday night, and after 15 minutes, I decided on a crystal which has a 3-d vision of a person playing golf - maybe to signify that he now has more time and can improve his golfing skills!

Anyway, I spent 2 hours at the KL International Book Fair on Tuesday morning. It may be short but I spent more than $200 buying books for myself and my children. I could have stayed longer (and of course spent more) but my kids were getting tired. Now, these books would keep me busy for the next 3 months at least!

Unexpected Change

2006-03-24T13:49:00.000+08:00

Well, it looks like I am only able to update my blog once a week now. This has happened two weeks in a row, which is not good. And this is the third time this is happening!

Anyway, I attended a course from Monday - Wednesday this week, on Covey's 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. It was part of the common core courses that everyone is the organization must attend. We did even talk about the newest 8th habit that Covey had discovered. All in all, it was a very useful course. But it would only be more useful if we could practice it, not only at work, but at home. During the first day of the course, we were asked to think about our mission in life, what we are here for. And I suddenly felt so lousy. I mean, I have been such a bad muslim. I forget that I am a creation of Allah, and that I am here for one purpose only, that is to serve Him. I should plan on how to improve my life. Hereafter is my destiny!

Something else happened at work when I returned on Thursday. There has been rumours that my boss is about to be replaced by someone else since he has to concentrate on a special project under the vice president's office. Even he admitted it. I was a bit depressed back then, but he told me that it was bound to happen anyway. But on Thursday, I received news that they have appointed someone to replace him. And that person is someone I don't really favour. I even have posted my opinion on him some time ago. I was so depressed this time, I hid myself under a table. Shucks! If only people really understand his character! Allah, please protect me!

Proactiveness?

2006-03-17T08:26:00.000+08:00

Why do people like to point fingers at others when things don't go as planned? As executors and administrators, there is so much that we can do to make things go right. We've reminded, we've sent messages, we've called, but no one pays attention. And when asked by the CEO, you have the nerve to say that we are not proactive enough?? H*****!!!

Siti Nurhaliza and Datuk K

2006-03-10T13:56:00.000+08:00

I am getting tired of reading and listening to gossips about Siti Nurhaliza and her "beloved" (i.e. orang yang tersayang). A lot of people are saying that this special person is a certain Datuk K. In fact, Siti's love life became news - front page! of one of the local newspapers. And today, the said Datuk K was interviewed and the news appeared again in the newspapers. Can we just leave them alone? I am personally a big fan of Siti. And I am happy for her. I should be. Siti has the right to be in love, and she has the right to fall in love with anyone she wishes to. Who cares if the guy is 20 years older? She is the one who is going to share his life, not us! I wish someone would put an end to all these nonsense! We should be more worried about the petrol price! Siti, I hope you stay strong! This is BUKAN CINTA BIASA!!!!

Cintaku bukan diatas kertas

Cintaku getaran yang sama

Tak perlu dipaksa

Tak perlu dicari

Kerna kuyakin ada jawabnya oh..............

I wonder...

2006-03-09T08:33:00.000+08:00

Is there light at the end of this journey????????

Petrol, petrol, petrol!

2006-03-02T07:57:00.000+08:00

The price of petrol has gone up again. This time, not 5 or 10 cents, but it is 30 cents. Within one week, the price of every good in every shop on every street in every town will increase as well. My Unser now need more than $100 for a full tank. And if I drive to work everyday, that full tank can only last me 4 days. Can you imagine? It's a good thing I car pool with my husband now, so the cost is not that bad as his Satria requires half of what I spend on petrol. This is so stressful.

Can you believe this??

2006-02-25T06:42:00.000+08:00

I received a surprise phone call yesterday, at around 11 am, just right after I finished presenting a proposal to my Management Committee. It was N, my best friend. She used to be my subordinate in 2000 - 2001, but there were only two of us in my department that we became so close. She left the company in the next year, because she had found a better job nearer to where she lives.

Anyway, the last time I met N, was in 2002, when I was 4 months pregnant. She was then, filing for divorce from her husband. I was actually happy for her when I heard that, because her husband is always known to have affairs with various women. And he tends to use psychology to torture her, by accusing N of having affairs with other men. I think he was trying to make N feel lousy. I hated him since the first day I met him. There are a lot of other things that he'd done that I simply cannot write.

When N told me yesterday that they were officially divorced in 2003, I simply said "Alhamdulillah". Her husband beat her (I think that was the first time) in January 2003, and she fell into a coma for 3 days. Hospitalized for two weeks, she went on to fight for her divorce. He promised to pay her nafkah for their four children, but ever since he remarried, those payments have stopped.

Surprisingly, N had also remarried to a Muslim convert from the US. Truly, I am so happy to hear that. I am even happier to hear that he is able to protect her since her ex-husband keeps on sending messages to her using hurtful words. He even calls her a prostitute, and now, he is contesting that their four kids are actually not his. Can you believe it? He is such a b******! I mean, these are Muslims you are talking about. You have lived with your wife for nearly 13 years, had four beautiful kids, and now you are saying that she hasn't been faithful?? That is the biggest fitnah, and the worst that anyone could make!!!!!! I told N to take their children for a DNA test. At least to protect her dignity.

I am meeting N on Monday since I will be in KL. I just cannot wait.

Subhanallah.. Allah is the greatest protector!

The Success

2006-02-18T15:33:00.000+08:00

I received an email from my boss on Thursday.. "Thank you to everyone who made our effort to ...... successful. Especially to ..... who presented our proposal to the board via the impeccable slide presentation (kudos to .... ). My name was mentioned. I have never been so happy. Usually, when we present things to the board, it would have to be more than once. Everyone admits that our board is the most difficult to get through. But alhamdullilah... this is all a blessings from Allah. I know for a fact that my CEO actually did solat hajat before the board meeting to ensure that everything goes well. So, alhamdullillah again. Everything went well. And I spent Thursday, doing unimportant things at the office because I felt so burnout after Wednesday night.

Anyway, my mom's elder brother was admitted to the Ipoh General Hospital on Thursday evening. He was actually going for his monthly check-up when the doctor suspected that he had a minor heart attack. My husband and I rushed home after work to visit him. Of course, he looks okay. The thing that really caught my eye was how accurate these people can be. His age was written as 69.9 years old. Whatever that means. He is getting better, and my brother has made a special request for him to sent to IJN for further checkup. I pray that he gets better soon.

And today, is a Saturday. And I am resting at home with my kids. Have completed most of my work so I can concentrate on my kids.

I miss writing

2006-02-15T07:51:00.000+08:00

I miss writing. Lately, things have gotten so hectic that I leave office at 8 p.m. everyday. This is getting from bad to worse. Yesterday was the worst since my boss and I were stuck at the office until 9.00 p.m. trying to complete the presentation for the Board meeting which is today. And I am glad everything is over. Alhamdulillah. And I pray everything goes well today after all the hard work that we did. Hopefully the Board understands what we are trying to bring forward. Good Luck Boss.

Anyway, just to highlight that my last posting was on the 3rd of February, about 12 days ago. A lot of things have been happening since then. The first thing I remember - Anugerah Juara Lagu when Mawi won Best Performance and Best Song under the Etnik Kreatif category. My own personal feeling, his vocal improved tremendously. He is now more confident, and his dancing skills also improved. Congratulations Mawi.

My twin girls are now 2 years and 6 months. They are getting smarter now. They used to watch Barney only, but now they prefer Jurassic Park, and even Harry Porter. And I feel like such a lousy mom. I have been too busy with work, and I can only spend about 3 hours with them upon returning home from work. I try to spend more time with them during the weekend but then, my mind is too occupied with work that sometimes I miss what they are trying to say to me. They can say, "Mama, jalan baik-baik, nanti jatuh, sakit" (walk carefully or you'll fall) or "Mama, minum duduk, jangan berdiri" (don't stand while drinking) or "Mama, nak mandi swimming pool". Allah.. they are growing up so fast that I am getting scared!! Abang has been working hard too. He even had to work last weekend as the auditors were at the office. So, I actually miss spending time together as a family.

Meanwhile I finished reading 3 novels last week. I find it hard to sleep now, so I try to read some novels to make me feel sleepy. But.. it doesn't really help though. I have read Ramlee Awang Murshid's Bagaikan Puteri, Izzul Izzati's Bukan Cinta Biasa and Norhayati Berahim's Dia Lebih Mengerti. I am getting hooked with Malay novels now so I am going to the bookshop again this weekend to get more books! :)!

And I hate work now. It is just so demanding. There are so many things to do, and yet everyone is expecting you to do everything. But I am surviving.

I also learnt something new... The Survival of Human Being is Not Determined by Its Strength, but Determined by Its Sensitivity to Changes.

Aku Tanpa Cinta Mu

2006-02-03T23:16:00.000+08:00

Telah ku mungkiri janjiku lagi ..
Walau seribu kali..
Ku ulang sendiri ..
Aku takkan tempuh lagi
Apakah kau terima cintaku lagi
Setelah ku berpaling..
Dari pandangan Mu
Yang kabur kerna jahilnya aku
Mengapa cinta Mu tak pernah hadir
Subur dalam jiwa ku..
Agarku tetap bahagia
Tanpa cintaku tetaplah Kau di sana
Aku tanpa cinta Mu ..
Bagai layang-layang terputus talinya
Masihkah ada sekelumit belas..
Mengemis kasih Mu Tuhan..
Untukku berpaut dan bersandar
Aku di sini kan tetap terus mencuba
Untuk beroleh cinta Mu
Walau ranjaunya menusuk pedih..

The Week That Was...

2006-01-29T13:23:00.000+08:00

It was an incredibly busy week last week. I was occupied with work day and night.. and I am so glad that it is all over now..

But then...

Last Friday morning, I received news that our good friend, Siti, lost her husband in a car accident. He was riding on his bike on the way back from Pasar Malam, when a car hit him. Hasbullah died on the spot. Arwah was only 30 years old, while Siti is still in her late 20s. They have two small kids, the elder one barely 3 years old, and the younger one reaching 1. Allah.. Please forgive him and place him next to your loved ones.. This is such a great test for Siti. And I pray that she be strong.

I cried. I just couldn't imagine if I was in Siti's shoes. Will I ever make it through? Imagine the kids growing up without even knowing their dad. Allah.. But then, I have seen so many cases before this. My good friend, died of jaw cancer two years ago.. and now her husband is taking care of their only child. Another friend of mine, lost her husband six years ago.. and now she is taking care of her two kids, and to support herself, she opened up a nursery. And I have come across Norasyikin's blog, who died in a car accident about a year ago, and now the husband continues to update the blog.

I mean.. this is life.. and you have to be strong at all times if ever you are tested... Allah.. give me strength..

Happy Birthday, Mom and Abang

2006-01-20T06:13:00.000+08:00

19th of January is a special day for me. Two most important people in my life celebrate their birthdays today. My mother, the greatest woman on earth; and my husband, the most incredible person I know.

A lot of my friends ask me whether I made it a condition before I got married to find a husband that has the same birthday as my mother. I just couldn't stop laughing. Now, that is something extremely impossible to do. No, it was all a coincidence.

My mother is an ex primary school teacher. She is smart, but because she did not have any chance to further her education (I think she would have easily made it into university if my granddad did not use the money for other things!) she chose to be a teacher. And mind you, she taught Primary 1 from 1969 up until 2000 - i.e. until retirement! And I realize how important it is to have a good teacher when you begin schooling.. because these teachers teach you how to read and write. Up until today, anywhere my mom goes, there'll always be one or two of her ex students greeting her - in the supermarkets, banks, government offices. And of course, she is a wonderful mother and wife.. Although at times she can become very strict because we get too lazy to study.. but she made sure we understood why. Mak, I love you. Thank you for being such a wonderful and understanding and loving mother! No money in the world could repay what you have done for us!

When my friends ask me, what made me fall in love with my husband, I would always tell them one thing. Besides being such a loving person, the real thing that made me fall in love with him, is his sacrifice. See, my husband has, in some way or another, a similar background with my mom. Both of them were unable to enter university for some reason. Mom did not further her education because of her dad's actions. But my husband decided to sacrifice furthering his education for his mom. When my husband got into first year of matriculation, his mom (allahyarhumah) was diagnosed with third stage breast cancer. My husband, being the eldest and the only son, decided to stay home and take care of her. In fact, at the time of her death, he was the only one by her bedside. And I really admire him for that. Really.

Despite our difference in age (he is 4 years younger than I am) and education, he has been a wonderful and loving husband (of course we do have fights like any other couple). Thank you Allah, for him.

May Allah bless my mom and husband, and grant them happiness in this world, and more importantly, in the hereafter.

Raising Children

2006-01-13T09:33:00.000+08:00

I am quite upset this morning.. not with anyone else but with myself. It was a very challenging day at work yesterday, and by the time my husband and I got home, it was nearly 7.00 p.m. When we got home, mom warned me saying that the kids have been throwing tantrums the whole day. Mom thinks that it was because they had little sleep during the day. They usually sleep around 2 to 2.5 hours in the afternoon but somehow yesterday.. it was for only 1 hour. So that's why the havoc..

Anyway, we were too tired. And of course the little darlings just can't seem to get enough of us so they were playing and running around and making a lot of noise and jumping up and down.. That was when I sort of lost control of my temper and sort of yelled at them. The result... they cried. And the sound of their sobbing was just too much for me to take that I immediately felt so bad, and I started to have tears in my eyes. I did try to apologize, but I guess kids don't understand the word "Sorry"... And we have never felt so lousy like we did last night.

And this morning, on our way to work, we discussed in the car about the kids. I am going to surf the net today, and find some articles on raising children. Any suggestions, anyone?

The Sadness of Eid ul Adha

2006-01-11T23:43:00.000+08:00

It was Eid ul Adha yesterday. So, to everyone, Eid Mubarak.

I particularly dislike thinking about Eid ul Adha because one day before 10 Zulhijjah in the year 1996, my beloved grandmother passed away. My grandmother, who took care of me since I was born until the day she died.. left us at about 8.30 a.m. on 9 Zulhijjah. And the worst part is, I wasn't by her side when she died, I was thousands of kilometres away from home.. She started feeling ill about 3 weeks before that, and my mother warned me to be prepared for all circumstances. I did not believe her. But by that time, opah (as I fondly call her) was already unconscious. And coincidentally, she died on the 27th of April - which is actually my elder brother's birthday..

Opah was a very strong woman, and extremely patient even after all that my late grandfather had done to her. She was a pious muslim, and a very obedient wife.. I pray that she is placed next to Allah's loved ones in the garden of Firdaus....

I miss her so much. And that is the reason why I don't particularly like thinking of Eid ul Adha, and that is also why everytime we celebrate Eid ul Adha and my elder brother's birthday, there are only tears in our eyes....

Opah... may we meet again in the hereafter.....

Belated New Year Posting

2006-01-08T00:12:00.000+08:00

I felt so tired today. The twins were very active today, trying to get their dad's and of course my attention. I kinda think that they miss us very much. They didn't see much of their dad while I was away as they were at my parents' house. We tried very much to give our fullest attention to them, and of course, I was nearly half asleep by the time I was trying to put them to bed. I wish I could make them understand how much I love them. Perhaps, one day... But for now, kakak and adik, mama and abah love you so very much!

Anyway, it is just two days before Hari Raya Aidil Adha. We haven't done much though. My elder brother has gone back to Johor to my sis-in-law's house, so our house will be quiet this year. I still have to work on Monday, and will only be off on Tuesday, so I guess nothing much can be done. The worst thing is, I may have to be at the office early in the morning of Tuesday as we are running some examinations. Darn!

My significant other has started his new job at a pharmaceutical company just 5 kms from my workplace. It is a good change for us.. driving to and from work, spending 40 whole minutes in the car without any disruptions. Alhamdullilah, I pray that everything goes smoothly for him this time.

I have set some goals this year, the two most important being striving to be a better mother and spend at least 3 hours of quality time with kakak and adik (we already have plans to start trying for another baby end of this year), and secondly, trying to lose all the weight that I have gained while pregnant with kakak and adik! I have some few others.. and this year, I have actually written down all my plans properly. So, hopefully it will work this time!

Allah.. Thank you for everything....

To all, Selamat Hari Raya Aidiladha.

Photos to Share

2006-01-06T17:35:00.000+08:00

The city of Addis Ababa

Merkato - the biggest open market in Africa

View of the highlands

On my way back..

2006-01-01T09:45:00.000+08:00

My last four days was spent in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia. Just a few months ago, I was in Khartoum, Sudan. Sudan and Ethiopia is just next to each other geographically.. but there is such a vast difference in terms of culture, and surrounding. Addis is located about 2500 feet above sea level, so I had a shock upon arrival at the airport. The weather is so cool, and very refreshing.. and so unlike my imagination that all African countries are hot and dry. It was almost like Melbourne.

The first three days were spent completing the job that I was sent to do. It was pretty exciting, meeting new people, discussing about things and understanding how people work. And my last day was spent touring the city, shopping for things that are mostly cheaper than Malaysia. The driver took us to the highlands just to have a look at the scenery.. and Subhanallah! It was fantastic. I have never seen anything like that. Insya Allah, I will post some pictures later, once they are ready.

Ethiopians are mostly Christian Orthodox, and they have a different calendar from the rest of the world, and they celebrate Christmas on a different day. It was really interesting to see and observe what they do, and what their customs are.

And I cannot help but think of the Sudanese brothers and sisters whom I met while I was in Khartoum 3 months ago. Of course, Ethiopians are slightly more modern than the Sudanese, and the development in Addis is a lot more noticeable than in Khartoum. But who can forget seeing these people praying along the roadsides, reading Quran while waiting for the bus (and the security guards will always have a Quran in their hands and reading it while working) and screaming happily upon knowing that the next day is Ramadhan? Allah.. it was the best experience I ever had. Sudan is definitely a place I would like to go again if I have the opportunity. And the brotherhood in Islam.. you can really feel it there.

Regardless, it still feels good to be going back to Malaysia. I cannot wait to see my daughters!

A Message from Mummy

2005-12-27T09:51:00.000+08:00

It is my second time here, being in transit in a city called Dubai. While waiting for my turn to pray Subuh (by the way, it is now 5.20 a.m. here in Dubai), I decided to try out the wireless internet connection at this Business Lounge. I miss home dearly. I miss my twins.

Don't worry sweethearts.. mummy will be back soon. Thank you abang for allowing me to go on this trip.

I Have To Leave My Kids Again...

2005-12-26T06:58:00.000+08:00

Why do I have to go through all this? Why do I have to leave my kids again for 6 long days????? I feel like such a lousy mom. I tried to warn my kids this week, "Nanti mama pergi XXXXX, kakak dengan adik jangan nangis yer.. jangan cari mama yer.." (I am going to XXXXX, please don't cry.. and please don't look for me okay?)

The younger one seems stronger and more understanding. She would just nod her head and smile, and tell her twin that I will be going to work. But then the elder one.. she's different. She'll make this really sad face, and say "kakak nak mama" (I want you mom). It really breaks my heart to see them like this...

When can I be financially independent so that I don't have to work and I can then look after my kids??????? See.. this needs planning..... I should start doing so. But then how can you even sit down to plan your future when you have so much office work to complete????? (Yeah right.. you still have time to blog right??)

Pray for my wellbeing while I am there..

A Long Needed Break

2005-12-22T16:02:00.000+08:00

I think I definitely deserve that long break. I needed it. We needed it. We had a fun time with the kids. My twins, as usual, attracted too many comments from the public that we decided that it was a bit too much. I mean, anywhere we went, it was like, "Are those twins?" "Kembar yer?" "They look exactly the same" "They look like their father". Allah... Thank you for this beautiful gift!

The visit to the zoo was enjoyable. My kids had so much fun running around that towards the end of the visit, they suddenly decided that they are too tired to walk. So, my husband and I had to carry them. Now, that really made us tired since each of them weighs almost 16 kgs! The funny part was when we watched the multi-animal show. The orangutan was so clever, and when it waved goodbye, my twins couldn't resist shouting "Bye Bye Monyet" (Bye Bye Monkey) loudly - and that really caught everyone's attention.

But then, Aquaria was a different story altogether. If you have not been, you should. No, you must. It was incredible. I even feel that it is better that Sydney Aquarium and definitely better than Underwater World Langkawi. You can see Allah's creation around you! Magnificent!

I enjoyed myself too much I guess.. and I now I am not in the mood to work...