New Year Resolution

My best friend sent me an SMS this morning which reads like this:

IMPORTANT! For men only....

Resolution for 2005 - Must listen to wife more because she gives sound advice....

99% sound and 1% advice.

And I was reminded by this cute pic I received sometime ago......



Men will always be men..............

Happy new year my dear friend!

Heartbreaking

Malaysians have been very generous in giving donations. For the tsunami victims, almost RM10 million have been collected from various organizations and individuals. Hopefully, these collections would be able to relief them of their predicaments.

However, as I was watching the news on TV tonight, I seriously felt that some of our local politicians were taking advantage of the situation. I mean, why must we focus so much on who donates what and how much.. and how caring our politicians are, going around the country and giving donations to the victims. Isn't that what they are supposed to do anyway? They rule the country, and they have been given the amanah to take care of our wellbeing. Never mind.. I shouldn't be suspicious of their intentions anyway. May Allah forgive me.

But I cried again tonight when I watched the news. It was so heartbreaking. They managed to capture the tsunami effect in Sri Lanka. The waves were so strong and a family of about six I think (one mom and five kids) were hanging on to one of the perished houses. The sad part was when the kids got carried away by the strong waves, one by one. Can anyone imagine how the mother would have felt? To see your children dying, one by one while you yourself are so helpless?? I couldn't. I would rather be the first to die so that I don't have to watch them die! Allah, please give them strength if they survive.. or grant them jannah if they have lost their lives!

To all Malaysians, keep the donations coming in!

Blessing in Disguise?

Although I am not a fan of the current Malaysian government, I must congratulate Pak Lah for directing everyone to cancel the New Year celebration. Someone finally managed to speak some sense into him. This is not the time for celebration. If we are not sympathetic, at least be emphatic.

I read with tears in my eyes the story of the parents whose child was a victim of tsunami. I pray that Allah gives them reward for their patience. And I cannot avoid but recall back on the 'tragic' death of one of my cousins. She was just 7, and she started school that particular year. She has an older brother whom she rides on the school bus with everyday. That sad day, her brother forgot to hold her hand while crossing the road and she accidently dropped her bag. When she tried to pick the bag up, the bus ran over her. And she died on the spot. Her brother took about three years to get over it.

Of course, the life of a child is irreplaceable, but her mom gave birth to another daughter two years after that and they gave her a name which was almost similar to her.. Allah is great.. He took from them a child, and gave them another one.

No celebrations this year, but new year is still there. So Happy New Year everyone.

Sadness

Everyone would have heard about it by now. The earthquake is Sumatra to me, is a sign of warning from Him. Of course, my heart goes out to those who are badly affected by the earthquake, and Al Fatihah to all my brothers and sisters who have lost their lives. But.. life is a test.. so, I pray that Allah grant them strength to go through this turmoil. It is always easier said than done though..

Allah.. grant us forgiveness....

Weddings to Remember

Merry Christmas to all my Christian friends. And Happy Holidays to the rest of us.

My neighbour (three doors away) had a wedding celebration for her son today. Everyone nearby was invited including us. I went with the twins, but since my significant other had to work overtime today, it wasn't much fun. It has been awhile since I last went to a wedding ceremony.

Traditionally, wedding ceremonies for the Malays are very special occasions. Although the actual wedding ceremony itself, or the akad nikah, where the bride and groom say their vows, is a simple ceremony which takes about one hour to complete, the ceremony after takes longer.. sometimes for as long as three days! Of course, Islamically, the akad nikah will be sufficient to 'legalise' the marriage, but the Malays have a special way of celebrating it. Some people consider this 'extravaganza' a waste of time and money, but to me, it is more than just celebrating the marriage. It is during this time that families reunite, and the true spirit of teamwork shows. Long lost relatives, cousins, aunts and uncles reunite and each family member gets reminded that they are actually a big family.

It is often said that there are two occasions where long-lost families get to meet each other; one of them is during the death of a family member, and the other one during a wedding ceremony. One would of course prefer to meet other family members (some of which they have never met in their lifetime) during joyous occasions, right?

This neighbour's wedding ceremony was a true Malay wedding. The house was actually full, and I saw a lot of happyy faces there. They made a lot of noise that actually disturbed this ever-so-quiet neighbourhood.. but I guess they are all forgiven since it doesn't happen everyday.

And suddenly I remembered the day when I got married.... It was a beautiful occasion.. which I will cherish for the rest of my life.....

Life is beautiful, isn't it?

What I Hate Most

I am feeling much better today after that well-deserved MC yesterday. But I still feel I should stay home another day. Because if I didn't come today, I wouldn't have to attend the meeting. And if I didn't attend the meeting today, I would not get this headache.

I hate being asked to defend the same thing over and over again. Funny. Didn't they remember it from last year? And the question was from the same person!! I should have recorded my statement today and replay it again during the next meeting next year.

Life is sometimes just extremely challenging..

Trying to keep awake

I feel horrible. I wish I could go back home and get some sleep. The twins had fever last night, they felt uncomfortable and refused to sleep. But here I am, on a Monday morning, trying to keep awake in front of the PC.

And there are so many things to do today.

Allah.. Help me get through the day!

A Cup of Love

I watched a local drama on TV last night. It was called "Secangkir Cinta" in Malay or translated as "A Cup of Love". It was a story about Syafiq, who was desperate to raise funds to pay for his brother's operation in Australia. He appeared on one of the local newspapers for this purpose, and was spotted by one Tan Sri. Tan Sri's daughter, Farah was supposed to get married the week after but her fiancee left her. Tan Sri offered to help Syafiq, on the condition that he agrees to marry Farah. Syafiq did. But Farah was already pregnant when he married her, and Syafiq only found out about it later.

What really touched me was Syafiq's character. Although he was 'forced' to marry Farah, he treated her as a wife. Especially after knowing that Farah was already pregnant. He was very responsible as a husband. Farah was very arrogant, and did not respect him as her husband. But he was patient. Of course, the ending was predictable. Farah realized that since she is already legally married to Syafiq, she should act like a wife. They fell in love after 1 year of marriage.

My significant other was with me throughout the drama. He enjoyed it immensely. That took me by surprise, because he hates Malay dramas. Funny.

Anyway, I found this in an email I received sometime ago. Are women that difficult to understand?

A Pleasant Surprise

Ever since I started blogging about 4 months ago, I had never thought that anyone would read it. But I had a pleasant surprise this morning. There were two comments on my last post. I just couldn't believe my eyes. Thank you, to both of you, for making my day.

Anyway, I got over my guilty feeling last night. I confronted my significant other.. and Alhamdulillah, he understood what I was going through. He told me that he knows that I love him. We prayed together last night.. for Allah's forgiveness.. and for His blessings...

To bookgoddess, no, I am not offended. Muslims worship the Almighty, who created the heavens and the earth and everything in between. It is this same God that created me and you. And it is the same God that the Christians and Jews worship, only that Allah is simply the Arabic word for God. There is an interesting article by Dr Gary Miller on the Basis of Islamic Belief, if you or anyone else wants to know more.

May Allah guide us all to the right path..

"And those who strive in Our (cause), We will certainly guide them to our Paths: For verily Allah is with those who do right." (Qur'an, Al-'Ankabut, Surah 29:69)

Feeling Overly Guilty

Why do we sometimes do things that we are not supposed to do? The urge to do it was so strong. Although it wasn't really an act, but merely a thought, I still feel guilty about it. Whatever that has happened between me and this other person was in the past. And I have no right to even think about that person as I have already made a commitment to another person for the rest of my life. I shouldn't have done it.

I called that person's home later in the evening only to find out that this person recently moved into another phase in life.. getting married. And an unexplained feeling of remorse overwhelmed me. I am not sure if I felt happy, or sad.. or even jealous.. It was really weird, and it really scared me. What if my significant other found out about it? Would he believe me if I told him that now, more than ever, I love him even so? After this morning's incident, I just couldn't wait to hug my other half when he gets back. And I did. Passionately.

Have I committed a serious sin??? Am I wrong for thinking about my past???

Sometimes I Just Don't Make Sense

This has been the most tiring day so far. I'm so tired of thinking about it. I just cannot make up my mind yet. I need more time to think about it. Maybe it will be good for me and maybe it will be good for him too. But there are too many sacrifices that we have to make. I am not sure if I am ready to do so.

Sometimes I wonder.. how much longer do I have pretend that everything is fine?? I know I am getting further and further from Allah now. I have missed so many prayers lately that I am not sure if I even remember how to pray. This laziness in me is getting out of hand. I understand the consequences of it all, but I just can't get myself to do it. I attended the gathering today. They spent the whole afternoon reciting the Quran. I listened to it. I felt the words cutting right through my heart. I wanted to cry, to admit that I am a very bad Muslim, but I just cannot do it. Why? Am I not strong enough?

Things must change. I must take steps to make the changes. The new year (not Islamic year though) is fast approaching. I have two major things that I want to accomplish, firstly, to start exercising and secondly, to stop missing prayers. Well, there is another thing.. I must start my studies. Where to do it, is still something I have to think about.

I am not very articulate tonight am I? Sometimes, I just don't make sense at all. I must get that sleep.

Satisfaction

I finally bought the tmnet prepaid. For only thirty bucks. It is actually a good bargain. But I get 30 hours of internet surfing, which I have to use up in 3 months. That's pretty tough. I don't spend that much time on the net anyway.

It's my first day off today. Mom and dad are safe in Beijing now, so I am taking care of the kids (and the cats for that matter) for a few days. It feels weird to stay at home though.. I'm so used to spending my time doing the things I hate, and I finally get to do something that I like. Fun!

I am still at the crossroads... and I still have to do a lot of thinking before I make my final decision...

Since my significant other is on night shift today... I don't feel like sleeping!!

Busy... or Lazy??

I missed writing to my blog. I have been busy.. very busy with work and my family. That is an excuse (heh..).. but I guess I am a bit lazy these days. After Eid, the twins fell ill.. so my days and nights were spent with them. Alhamdulillah, they got better.. and are having a hell of a time at home with their grandmama.

It has been awhile since I last came to this city. We started out at about five in the morning.. I slept most of the way since the twins did not sleep much last night. I think they got too excited seeing me getting ready last night, that they decided to have some fun at 2 am! I think the journey went smoothly.. But I guess my significant other did not think so..

A trip to my favourite bookstore was worth it. I spent over one hundred dollars on books and CDs that I have been wanting to buy for sometime. I think it's good... I can't wait to go back and read/watch them all..

And I am still thinking of buying that prepaid tmnet card.............